Uncut Gems markets itself as a thrilling adventure, but is actually a incoherent disaster.

Uncut Gems is the latest breakout film directed by the Safdie brothers starring Adam Sandler, Kevin Garnnett, Idina Menzel, Julia Fox, and Lakeith Stanfeild.  

A little backstory into this film, it has been in planning for a long time.  Ten years ago, the Safdie brothers planned to recreate the true story of the murder of this jewel dealer in the Diamond District of New York, but the script never felt quite right.  Also, they always had the idea of Adam Sandler playing the lead character, Howard Ratner. According to them, they actually approached him with a preliminary script years ago, and he rejected the role then.  However, they were determined to get this story perfect. Thus, now we have...this. 

This film did not have a pleasant or welcoming introduction at all.  Rather, it was loud, obnoxious, and almost laughably self-aware. The camera pans and zooms across a generic desert landscape.  We see poor miners in ropes digging in caves as this blaring, 70’s sci-fi, techno score orchestrates in the forefront. And yes, I do mean the forefront, the music was so distracting I could hardly pay attention to the visuals on screen. Please note this, as this will recur all throughout the film. So, we see these thin, African, miners dig, then they discover a rock.  The music crescendos as we see the blue and turquoise color, and then we are taken on some sort of ecstasy trip through the gem as we see symbols and images of life. 

I get that they are trying to say that this gem is vital or central to the plot.  But to try to suggest that a gem is somehow connected to life is a bit tone deaf. Especially when your opening shot is a group of slaves mining for a gem, which god knows how much they god paid for, if any, all for the main protagonist to profit.  This idea does come back around in the film, when Howard admits that this gem is worth millions but he paid nowhere near that price. 

Politics aside, the plot of the film itself was boring.  Which, it was hard to distinguish the plot from all the shouting, banging, and buzzing that goes on nonstop.  The entire plot is Kevin Garnnett takes Adam Sandler’s gem because he believes that it will help him win basketball games, and Adam Sandler runs around New York City chasing him.  Meanwhile, there is also Adam Sandler’s family chasing him and beating him up because he owes them money for some odd reason, but he needs the gem to pay them back.  All of these people are on a wild goose chase after one another, incoherently yelling over each other, while they run in and out of Sandler’s store, which has the loudest buzzer in the world.  Also, do not forget the blaring techno music.  Sandler runs around New York City with two token severely underdeveloped hot women, making his signature lame jokes.  If I can point one out, when he first gets the gem, inside of a fish that was mailed to him, he cuts it open and says very enthusiastically “I’m gonna cum”.  I have never rolled my eyes harder in my life. I was not only not thrilled, I was bored, annoyed, and I had a headache from all the noise.    

Onto the women of the film.   Idinia Menzel is extremely talented and the insignificant role she was given in this as just “Howard’s Wife” is just a crime.  The entire film, Howard and her just fight over how they don’t spend time together, or over the kids, and she mainly takes his shitty treatment.  She does nothing to help or progress the story. Idina Menzel is just there.  I suppose they added it to add tension as Howard and his wife fight?  But she is such a flat character, who cares about their relationship? And then there is also Julia, played by Julia Fox, Howard’s mistress.  Julia was in the film purely to satisfy all of Howard’s desires, sexual or otherwise, she would do anything for him. Other than that, she was not her own person.  It is also worthy to note that these two women were very scantily dressed the entire movie; they did not serve any character purpose but just something for the audience to ogle at.  

Overall, the lack of tension, action, or character in this film, frankly is disturbing.  I believe that the Safdie brothers thought that loud sounds and shouting = tension, which it does not.  It only results in a headache.